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“Don’t tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don’t tell them where they know the fish.” Mark Twain

“Don’t say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.” Mark Twain

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” Mark Twain

“Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.” Mark Twain

“A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.” Mark Twain

“Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” Mark Twain

“Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.” Mark Twain

“Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.” Mark Twain

“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.” Mark Twain

“Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.” Mark Twain

“A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.” Mark Twain

“Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.” Mark Twain

“Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.” Mark Twain